


God, Mario, you are such a Soft Machine

by FishyOctopus



Category: Vento Aureo - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hopeful Ending, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Pre-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 12,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishyOctopus/pseuds/FishyOctopus
Summary: "Once upon a time, in a faraway land... Two assholes were thrown into the slammer for idiot crimes, and a beautiful friendship flourished that day. This is the story of how our favorite low tier thugs of Passione met, and their adventures up till now."





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, you got company"  
  


A pink haired man was startled awake from his thoughts. Thunder booming in the distance indicated a storm was close by, which made him grateful to have a roof on his head. Even if said roof belonged to a damp and cold cell.  
He looked at his new roommate.  
  
"I didn´t get these last time. Why now?" The whine came from a very thin, oddly fashionable, young man. He was gesturing at the handcuffs.  
"You keep escaping like it´s nothing. Making us look bad and shit"  
"You´d know how I do it if you bothered to put cameras or keep watch yourselves instead of napping at the job, fuckass"  
"Watch your mouth. you little bitch" The cop hit him in the guts with the tip of the club. Or so it seemed. Something strange happened: The weapon didn´t get to make contact with the guy´s body, but he flinched nonetheless. "Nobody gives a fried fuck about you to put that fancy shit. Next time you escape, we´re putting these on your legs too. And you" He pointed at the pink haired man with the club. "If you tell us how this Houdini wannabe gets out, we´ll let you go sooner"  
  
The cop left, with a smug grin.  


"Too bad I don´t give a shit about leaving early, right??" He casually told his new roommate, as soon as the guard was out of earshot. "Name´s Mario. What´s yours?" He asked, looking quite interested about this supposed Houdini.  
"...Sale."  
"Like the salt?" He snickered.  
"Is it that amusing?" The boy looked annoyed. Probably heard it too often. Probably had a shitty day.  
"Nah, I´m just thinking you ain´t gonna believe this shit... Because my last name is Zucchero" He grinned.  
Sale smiled in kind "Is that why your hair is cotton candy pink?"  
"Dude I´m on my 20s and have more gray hairs than Gandalf." He laughed at his own joke "And I bet the same goes for you and your sea salt popsicle blue hair. Anyway, not your first time here from what I heard. What did you do?"  
"The usual... public indecency" He quoted.  
Zucchero didn´t look especially surprised. This Sale guy was not...You know sometimes the clothes someone is wearing tell you a lot about the person. Whether they always wear expensive brand clothes, or sporty outfits, or completely black clothes and makeup even when it´s 40ºC... And Sale´s clothes screamed loud and clear: _This was a VERY slutty guy._ "So what are you, one of those male whores?"  
"I am as much of a whore as you are subtle and refined." Sale pretended to be offended by the extremely blunt choice of words "I just... Have zero problems with PDA."  
  
His grin suddenly vanished, and he sat against a wall.  
"Anyway, this is probably my last. Fucker freaked out when he saw the police cars, probably had some drugs on him or something, stupid asshole." He sighed. "Shit, these are annoying"  
Standing up once again, Sale tried to move his arms, which were cuffed behind his back. After a couple attempts, he managed to pass his legs between his body and the chain, to bring his arms forward. Then he concealed himself on a corner, avoiding Zucchero´s gaze.  
  
A weird clink of metal snapping was heard, and Sale was able to move his arms as he pleased, one of the links of the chain broken.  
"...How´d you do that??"  
"Didn´t you hear the guard? I´m an escapist." He climbed to the top bunk, and decided to wait for the storm to begin, so the thunders would conceal whatever noise he made on his escape. "So, why are you ok with being here?"  
"Eh, this ain´t bad at all. Free meals, and a slap on the wrist and I´ll be out in a couple days tops. Do you wanna know how I got here?"  
"Sure, why not"  
"You know these drive thru many food chains have nowadays"  
"Yea"  
"Well I made a literal drive through".  
Both laughed a bit. He seemed to be a nice guy, Sale thought. _Kinda idiot looking. Not that I´ll have to deal with him ever again after I make my escape..._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: As per according to canon, Sale, Zucchero, and other mafia members are/will be rude. They will curse, slut shame, and be assholes in genera. Be ready for language and adult situations in general.  
> So you little gremlins better don´t come yelling at me for my portrayal of these losers when they are already like this in the canon. I do not condone several of the character´s behavior and choices, nor share their views.  
> While the characters talk often about sexual situations and ocassionally engage in them, whether among themselves, or with other people, the story will not contain explicit (graphic) details of sexual intercourse. Neither there´ll be non-con advances.  
> The story centers around Sale and Zucchero, but there´ll be occasional appearances of several Vento Aureo characters, for example: La Squadra di Esecuzione, Squalo, Tiziano...  
> The story is mostly complete, and will be delivered in several short chapters. I offer TWO endings: One epilogue leads to the events of Purple Haze Feedback, and the other leads to a happier ending. Choose wisely!!  
> Last, but not least, I started writing this story a year and a half ago. So there might be contradictions with data added exclusively in the anime. For example: In my fic Sale is 24, and Zucchero 26. Whereas in the anime it was recently stated that Zucchero is two months away from being 25. Also, a small thing I keep consistent: Sale has light blue hair, and Zucchero cotton candy pink. Many times I address them by those hair colors, so I´m not going to change that.  
> I´ll try to keep the following chapters´notes shorter, and to update weekly if possible! And thanks a ton to DelirioisDead for helping and beta-testing!!! And Lalo (Illusospigtails on twitter) for additional brainstorming!!  
> That being said, ENJOY!!


	2. Chapter 2

A couple hours passed by, and Sale could effectively hear the loud snoring of one of the cops. His experience told him it was now safe to attempt his famous act of escapism. A quick glance at Zucchero, and yes, he seemed to be asleep as well. Not that it made any difference, his technique was discreet and considerably quiet. This was fortunate, really, as the storm wasn´t as strong as he hoped.

He carefully approached the prison bars, which had roughly 15cm of space between them, and quietly started tapping one of them with his finger. Moments later, he released the energy, and the bar bent a bit to the side. What he did made no difference if one looked at the bars at his eye level.  
However, it did make a noticeable angle almost all the way to the top. Now came the not-so-discreet part.  
Sale used one of the horizontal bars as a step, and with minimal effort passed his head through the now widened gap. The rest of his body passed without problem due to him being ridiculously skinny.  
Last, but not least, he tapped the bar once again until it looked good as new.

Now, this is quite a clean and discreet escape, and by no means loud. However, this doesn´t mean that the current cellmate didn´t hear it, had he been a light sleeper, or... Just pretending to be asleep in the first place.  
  
Zucchero was staring at him with a suspicious grin.  


Sale was taken aback, but didn´t freak out at all. This guy seemed more interested in satisfying his own curiosity than rat him to the cops. Sale took his finger to his lips and mimicked a *shh*, hoping that should do.  
  
Apparently not. Zucchero stood up and walked to the bars.

Sale was sure he would call the cops, LOUDLY. _Should I attack this guy or run for it._  
  
  
"You have powers, like me"  
  
  
Now THAT was something Sale didn´t see coming.  
"What?"  
"When you were hit by the club… Also when you cut the chain, and now with the bar, there was a blue green aura. You can do weird shit. I´m the same. Well, I can´t do the same but..."  
As much as Sale was genuinely interested in this, he was also freaking out a bit because the cops might hear him. It´s not like he couldn´t stop them or their bullets, but he really didn't want people knowing about his ability. "Listen"  
"Hm?"  
"with your powers... Can you get out? Right now?"  
"Yeah, more easily than you actually"

Then and there, Zucchero deflated. Just like a balloon. And even looking like an used condom, he still managed to move, and easily drag himself between two bars. Just as quickly as he deflated himself, he regained his usual form once he was in the corridor. "I can even pass through the keyhole if I feel like it" He grinned, proudly.  
Sale was a bit jealous, however he still thought his own ability was cooler. "Sure whatever, come with me before we get caught".

Zucchero had nothing waiting for him outside. He was dirt poor and lived in a stolen car, which got utterly destroyed when he drunk drove into that fast food joint. His family was nowhere nearby, and his friends considered him a freeloader, so they would kick him out after a few days. This is by no means a tragic backstory, just sad but true facts about a guy who is not motivated in putting some effort to get a better life.  
At this very moment, running from jail, during a downpour, with a complete stranger, a repeat offender no less, held more hopes for the future than whatever he could come up with on his own.  
"This is amazing. We are like superheroes! Except for the spandex suits and the crime commiting thing."  
"Wouldn´t that make us super villains?"  
Zucchero looked at him, offended "You don´t get it at all, do you? It´s every kid´s dream to get superpowers, or go to Hogwarts, become hokage, and fly and punch bad guys and get the sexy girl™"  
"You stole a car, and crashed a building with it. You are a bad guy. A villain. Plus powers, so... Super villain."  
"Why you gotta be like that." He sniffed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it folks! A fated meeting... And the ultimate team has been assembled. 
> 
> I did say updates would be weekly, but since the first chapters have been complete for a long while, might as well post them with more frequency. Also because of their current length is quite short.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	3. Chapter 3

"You. Drive. Like. A. Maniac" The blue haired man slammed the door, checking the damage on the car they hotwired no more than five minutes ago.  
"The rain makes the road slippery. Everyone knows that!"  
"Ok whatever, let´s take the subway." Sale pointed towards a nearby station.  
"...Oh, that´s a good idea actually. I have something to pick up here!"

After descending, Zucchero he went towards a newsstand, and after a quick exchange, the man there gave him a gym bag . He then returned towards Sale "My stuff."  
"You work here?"  
"I LIVE here. Well... Until I stole that car, haha. Have some friends all over the subway system, but they´ve done more than enough for me. Couldn´t ask them anymore than hold some of my shit. I have other bags like this in other stations too, just in case."   
Once the subway train arrived, they continued their journey.  
Shortly after they reached their destination, and after a short walk, a building. Sale opened the entrance door, gesturing him to follow. He immediately started walking upstairs like an asshole instead of using the extremely convenient invention known as an elevator.

"Wait which floor do you live in again?"  
"Seventeen"  
Zucchero looked at him wide eyed for a second, then he made a smug grin "Hey bitch I´m no Einstein but even I can see at a glance this building doesn´t have more than 8 floors"   
Sale smiled back. "Shit, I wasn´t expecting you were paying attention. Come on!" He waved his hand towards him "It´s only two floors, move your ass!"  
  
  


  
"Just sit wherever." The thin man said, holding the apartment door open for his guest, and assuming he would be able to discern which one of the multiple piles of clothes and trash was meant for sitting.

Sale´s house was, in short words, a pigsty.   
  
Not a single normal person would be proud to show such living conditions to someone they just met. A narrow kitchen, a small living room, and one bedroom. Cloths of all kinds covered every single piece of furniture, and over them, plates and mugs were scattered everywhere. The bathroom was the only place safe from Sale´s awful lifestyle. It was spotless clean and very well illuminated. There was a balcony, too, but thick drapes forbade even a speck of sunlight from getting in.  
  
All in all the house was dark, messy, small, and tight. But its owner seemed to have no problem whatsoever living like this.  
  
"You wouldn´t be the first nor the last to tell me this place is a mess but honestly I don´t give a fried fuck. If any bug comes in, my cat will eat it. Ah, speaking of the devil"  
"mrow!" A small cat, with light fur except for the ears and a star-like shape on the back, showed up from behind some cushions.  
"Stella, this is some jackass that followed me from jail. Zucchini, this is Stella" Sale lifted the cat in his arms for a moment.  
"It´s Zucchero" The Zucchini joke got old many decades ago  
"Yeah, whatever. Make yourself at home, want some coffee?"  
"Could use some coffee with sugar"  
"Great!" Sale clapped, dropping the cat. He grabbed some clothes from the floor, and led the man into the kitchen. I want a tea, no sugar." He demanded, and opened a door at the back of the kitchen, which led to a cramped laundry room... which was LITERALLY missing a wall. Only about a meter or so of concrete acted as a fence.   
The view must be lovely on a clear and bright day, but the only thing Zucchero got to see was a dark and stormy night, and then Sale´s behind, as he decided to discard his soaked wet clothes and replace them with dry ones right then and there.  
...No kidding about the public indecency.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today Sale has learned a valuable lesson: Do not let this man hold the wheel.
> 
> Stella the cat makes her debut. She has no relevance whatsoever. I just like cats. She´s not even going to get rid of cockroaches and shit. Sale is the one who does that. This cat is a fucking freeloader. He does have some food and a litterbox for her, but since he´s a busy guy and spends a lot of time outside, she also leaves the place and wanders around rooftops and stuff and she probably has cat friends and shit. Stella is a normal person name, but it also means Star in italian. So that´s the reason Sale named her like that. Mystery solved!
> 
> Sale´s house is based on my aunt´s, and that includes the hole in the wall too. I haven´t been there in like 15 years though so maybe she got that fixed. If needed, I can make a sketch-ish floor plan of it on a following chapter. Let me know if you are interested!!
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	4. Chapter 4

Sale was a member of the mafia. An organization called Passione. At the moment he was just a small time thug, of an even smaller area. However, he had hopes of rising through the ranks and getting on the good side of the Boss, whoever they were. Finding out about them was taboo, and he knew better than to spare even a single second on that thought. He had no intention of getting killed anytime soon.  
  
His job kept him away from home most of the time, coming back late at night, sometimes not at all for a few days. He had been extremely busy since his partners were moved to other teams, or... Eliminated.  
  
_I always thought the ´stand users attract each other´line was a load of horseshit... But just like that... How long it´s been since I had a partner? A team?_  
Sale looked around his living room. Not one to frame pictures of moments with his closest ones, as he considered dwelling in the past a sort of weakness, he snapped out of his remembrance and looked at the complete stranger that was now sitting beside him.  
  
"So, um" Sale asked, cup of tea in hand "Do you recall the conversation I was having in the car?"  
"Yeah, kinda. You called someone and told them I was a... something user. And I think they told you to take me to your place?"  
"Yeah, to contact you. Tomorrow hopefully. And then you crashed the car against a pole..."  
"Yup."  
"Don´t fucking do that again."  
"Sorry I just LOVE ramming my car into random stuff. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, IDIOT."  
"You crashed a car no more than 24 hours ago too."  
"ALSO AN ACCIDENT"  
  
Sale sighed, realizing this argument was going nowhere.  
"And then you told me that you would explain to me whatever that call was when we made it to your place."  
"And here we are. So... Curious?"  
"A bit, I guess. Just a sec, though. I haven´t watched this show in forever. Been a couple years since I last had a TV" Zucchero replied, more focused on the cartoon he was watching than the man sitting beside him.  
  
Sale was not amused by this. He did bring the guy home for a reason, to talk to his capo and see if he would be a valuable asset for the team. He was sure being a talent seeker, and actively reinforcing the organization with more stand users, was definitely going to help him get on the good side of the capo, or even the Boss.  


"I guess you want other people like us to meet me. I´m curious. I had these powers since I can remember but I always hesitated to use them in front of people... They can´t see my aura. Nor this guy here" He pointed with his thumb at a spirit that was peacefully floating beside him. "You got one of these too, right?"  
"Yeah" Sale made his own spirit show up. "I learned from my superior this is commonly called a STAND"  
  
Zucchero looked a bit clueless. _I was calling mine Balloon Buddy_  
  
"Do your parents have these powers too?"  
"Don´t think so, they thought I was crazy when I started telling them I could deflate animals." He scratched the back of his head "I have many siblings, and because of this my folks were always busy, so I never really showed them that I could do this"  
"Well, to put it in simple terms. We get these powers from either being hit by some weird ass alien bacteria laced arrow, or by being descendants of someone hit with the aforementioned arrow"  
"...Ok that´s hella cool!" NOW he was excited. “I always had this fantasy of banging some alien chicks.” He added, dreamily.  
"...We are talking about something serious here.” Sale responded, somewhat annoyed. "You don´t remember how you got yours, but it doesn´t really matter, at least not to us."  
"This is the part where you tell me you are in some shady shit and that´s the real reason you keep getting in and out of prison?"  
"Well, I AM in some shady shit... But I do go to prison a lot for screwing in public places" Sale smiled, and sipped his tea. "Interested?"  
"In the shady shit? Or the screwing in public places thing?"  
Sale inspected him closely, as if this was the first time he bothered to look at the person he escaped prison with "Eh, either will do."  
"Dude I´m not gay" He chuckled and continued watching tv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first and foremost: Don´t let that last line worry you, this won´t be one of those stories where person A (who is gay) tries to convince or "convert" person B (who isn´t gay) into one. I won´t go into details here but trust me on this one.
> 
> Another thing, which I don´t think will be addressed within the story: I envisioned Zucchero as the third of seven kids. He has two older brothers who live on their own, but not in Roma (nor close), and then after him comes a sister in her 18-20s (they got along great and were very close), then boy-girl twins who are around 10-12, and then a baby sister who might be around 3 years old now, as Zucchero moved on his own about 3 years ago so he didn´t get to meet her. Later in the story I´ll mention why Zucchero lost contact with them, but it´s not a big deal if talking about plot relevance.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	5. Chapter 5

"So... " Zucchero cut the silence after a few moments.  
"Hm?"  
"Well, since we just figured we are part alien now, I assumed next would be you telling me some fancy deal to meet others like us, and probably use me for suspicious businness. Am I wrong?"  
"You really want to know?" Zucchero nodded, completely focused this time. "Ever heard of Passione?" He nodded once again. "Well, that´s what you´ll get into. Your ability should be an asset for certain situations"  _like sneaking and taking hostages_ " Sale thought without speaking, but decided against telling him that, **yet** , just in case. "And it´s not like you are doing anything at the moment. Also, since I was the one who invited you, I would look the other way if you refused. No hard feelings."  
  
  
There was a moment of silence. Zucchero looked at his own hands, like he was deep in thought, and spoke:  
  
"I don´t really have anything left. My family moved to another country, and I decided to stay to prove I can make it on my own. Things... Didn´t go as well as I expected. After coming out of prison, that was it. I´d be sleeping on a bench at the park. Or maybe they´d find out I actually stole that car I crashed, plus the one we-"  
" **YOU** "  
"-We crashed earlier today, and get thrown back in jail again for a few years. So..." He hesitated for a second, as if he had something to lose with the upcoming statement "Might as well go through this and die like a dog later, instead of dying like a dog sooner."  
"That´s the attitude." Sale patted his back, regretting it immediately because the guy´s shoulders and upper back had pointy spikes decorating the clothing. He should have been taken by the fashion police instead. "We still have to wait at least for sunrise to call my superior, or he´s gonna get pissed at me." He checked his clock. Still a few hours... "Ok!" He clapped and stood up. "Let´s call it a day, you can sleep on the couch."

"Just like that?"  
Sale stopped halfway, and looked at him. "Just like that WHAT?"  
"Not that I care, but... Are you letting a complete stranger stay at your house? What if I feel like killing you in your sleep?"  
The blue haired man chuckled "I´d like to see you try. Not that anyone was stupid enough to try before, but I am well capable of taking care of my own, even before I got my ability."  
"What does it do, exactly?"  
"Are you familiar with kinetic energy?"  
Zucchero´s face was absolutely devoid of expression. The man was completely foreign to the aforementioned subject.  
His host grabbed a mug, and then released it in midair. It stayed right there. "It locks shit in place. Check this out." He grabbed the TV remote, and fixed it near the mug. Then, he climbed them. The objects didn´t move a single millimeter, nor even cracked under Sale´s weight, who even being as thin as he was, couldn´t be less than 50kg.  
"Not fair! Yours is so much cooler than mine!"  
"It can do more than that, but yeah. It is. Good night." He once again moved towards his bedroom.  
"Wait! What else?" He looked excited.  
"I don´t really need to tell you, what if you try something? I need some aces up my sleeve." He winked. "But as you can see, stands can do many things, even yours probably. And if you come with us we´ll help you find how to make even that deflating ability of yours useful."  
  
With that, he finally left the room, and Zucchero made himself confortable on the couch. As of tomorrow he would be joining a mafia, a real mafia. Any other person would probably be nervous about it, but not him. His complete focus and excitement were on the possibilities of meeting more people like him, seeing abilities and powers in real life, and finally getting some thrills and exciting adventures, much like the ones he always enjoyed on movies and TV, ever since he was a little kid.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say on this one. Maybe to tease you a little with the upcoming adventures I could say that: No, since Zucchero is already a stand user he won´t do Polpo´s test.
> 
> And you guys will probably be like: AH BUT SKADI YOU IDIOT YOU UTTER FOOL GIORNO ALSO HAD A STAND WHEN HE TOOK POLPO´S TEST.
> 
> And then I´d say: Yeah but guess what? My idea for Zucchero´s test involves OTHER CHARACTERS YOU LIKE and also I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. So there´s that. And I have plot reasons for it too. Yeah this thing has a plot.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	6. Chapter 6

"Morning."  
*Yawn* "Morning. I see you´ve made yourself at home." Sale gestured at the nice mug of piping hot coffee Zucchero was enjoying while reading a porn magazine that certainly wasn´t here before.  
"And I see you own pants." Zucchero gestured at the pajama shorts Sale was wearing under what appeared to be a long camisole. "Did you forget to put on those yesterday? Is that why you keep getting thrown in jail?"  
"WELL LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WOKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE COUCH" He looked pissed. Sale has seen what the other members of Passione dress like. He was the most fashionable by far.  
"Did I strike a nerve?? Sorry" He said, looking completely unapologetic about it. "Anyways thanks for letting me stay here."  
  
Sale sighed and sat beside him "Just for a couple days at best. It shouldn´t take long for my superior to contact us. Then you´ll have to do stuff on your own... Where´d that porn come from?"  
"I stole it and entered again passing under your door."  
"Couldn´t you steal some food too? You finished my cereal"  
"How the fuck do you expect me to pass a cereal box under the door??"  
"...Guess we´ll have to go to do some grocery shopping then"  
" **WE?** "  
"I´m not letting you alone at my house! I would send you but you dont even know what I like!"  
" **ME??** "  
"Hey you ain´t staying here for free! I´m making you earn your stay! You spent every single minute since I brought you here watching shitty anime and eating my food!"  
"Hey, I brough porn!" He waved the magazine in the air, proudly showing his invaluable contribution to the household, not unlike a cat who brings small dead animals to its owner.  
"That´s female porn... In case you haven´t noticed by now... Or haven´t seen the rainbow flag attached to the wall behind you... I have literally nothing to do with that magazine."  
"I assumed you wanted to make the living room more colorful" He joked.  
Sale ignored this, and started searching the room, probably looking for a specific garment from the many that were lying around. "We´ll leave as soon as I get changed. I´m starving. Also those tits are fake as shit, dude."  
  
Sale returned to his bedroom to get dressed, while Zucchero looked closely at his magazine, perplexed. The blue haired man returned, sporting stockings* with harlequin pattern, instead of the starry ones from the day earlier.  
"You got one of those for every day of the month or..."  
"Pffff... Only 30??!!" Sale cackled, walking to the main door.  
"Now I know why you are dirt poor" He smiled, and followed suit.  
  
\-----  
  
" _Crispy Hexagons_. What the fuck is this shit."  
"What I can afford."  
"So when do you reach the tier where you can actually buy real food and not cardboard hexagons?"  
"This is just as good and without being overpriced." He snatched the box from his hands. "Or did you want that rainbow cereal that comes with a toy and marshmallows and makes the milk taste like diabetes?"  
"EXACTLY."  
"Well, pass the test and you can buy your sugary shit. However, do call me when you decide to act your age and want to avoid dying from a food induced heart attack"  
"MAYBE I WILL. BY NOW, **I WANT MY SUGARY SHIT**."  
"Oh yeah, I forgot your name is literally sugar. Ok let´s buy the kid some sweets."  
"They better be name brand sweets"  
"Wanna ride the shopping cart too??"  
"I actually do." Within a second, the pink haired man got inside the cart, and looked eager to be pushed around.  
"No. I´m done." Sale walked away.

. _..My butt´s stuck._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very tempted to make the omake picture with Zucchero sitting in the cart, looking eager for Sale to push him around. Maybe will do the next time I don´t know what to draw. There´s definitely an old sketch of it lying around somewhere on my computer :D
> 
> *Fashion talk here because I tried it on a further chapter and it cuts the narrative too much:  
> I actually enjoy drawing several different outfits for Sale on my spare time, which they mostly revolve around sleeveless long shirt/short dress, and leggings/stockings with colorful and flashy motifs. Zucchero is rather stubborn about not doing a poor Cacturne cosplay, but whenever he wears something different it´s usually a mid sleeve shirt with a nice cleavage and pants that end right before the ankles. They like to wear simple and comfortable shoes with very little heel. Around the house they are usually wearing tank top + undies + socks. Sale wears ugly hats when he thinks he´s having a bad hair day, but he looks even worse with them most of the time.
> 
> Other appearance headcanons: Sale´s hair to me is DEFINITELY dreadlocks. I gave him a mixed heritage, with darker skin and caribbean roots, but his family has been italian from many generations. I don´t even think he knows english. He actually takes a decent amount of care for his hair, which is actually hard to keep clean and tidy looking. His natural color is dark brown. As seen in the manga he wears HEAVY eyeliner. He´s an idiot and just does it daily without letting his skin breathe properly. More often than not he goes to sleep without even removing it. So he´s got some real nasty eyebags under it, which, ironically, makes him put on even more makeup to conceal it.
> 
> Zucchero´s half Roman, the other half will be addressed later on. His hair color might actually be pink for real, but he dyes it often to hide the many MANY white hairs of his. He has a hairy chest, forearms and legs, but it´s hard to see because it´s light pink and soft and fuzzy, so it blends really well with his skin. He doesn´t wear makeup because he´s naturally beautiful (??) but he does pluck his eyebrows. (so does Sale)  
> Neither Sale nor Zucchero can grow a proper beard so they shave often because otherwise it just looks bad.
> 
> Guess I´ll keep using this space for assorted trivia that doesn´t quite fit within the chapter/s. I have many ideas that I just couldn´t find a place to add seamlessly, and it felt like a waste leaving them out. Hope you enjoyed these tiny bits of info, and look forward to more, and of course to the story itself!
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	7. Chapter 7

"Ok, listen up. You´ll probably have the test VERY soon, so it´s better to do some stand training to prepare yourself. I´ve been thinking a bit about your ability, and the potential to be able to deflate non living things is definitely there, you just need to find out a way to make it happen, and practice it. Here, I made a simple chart."  
  
Sale showed him a paper sheet that listed some graphics and bullets.  
  
"Power, Speed, Range. These three are simple to understand. Now, Durability, Precision and Learn-ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME."  
  
Spoiler: He wasn´t. Zucchero was indeed looking at the very busy sheet of paper, and listening to Sale talk about very complicated stuff, but he seemed to be either completely overwhelmed, or distracted with something further away in that direction, namely, the muted TV 3 meters away from him.

  
Sale noticed immediately, following the gaze of his partner, and outright unplugged the appliance. Zucchero was noticeably offended by such action.  
**"Hey!"**  
**"It distracts you.** " Zucchero pouted."Let´s get down to business."  
"Pfff" The pink haired man couldn´t help but chuckle.  
"Now what?" Sale sighed, frustrated. Today is going to be a loooong day.  
"To defeat the huns."  
"Huh????!!!!" _At least he´s not saying japanese shit again..._  
  
\----  
  
Later that day, Sale´s phone started ringing.  
"That HAS to be my capo. Be quiet for once while I answer. And **DON´T YOU DARE** to talk back like the sassy little shit you are if he wants to talk to you."  
"Okay mom" Zucchero responded, his tongue playing with a lollipop.  
The call was short, and Sale only replied with things like "yes, aha, will do, thanks" and so on. He clearly was at the lowest tier of the pyramid. Once he hung up, he looked at the pink haired man straight in the eyes. "You´ll get a group test. Tomorrow, in Venezia.... It´s a long trip from Roma so you should get ready ASAP." Sale looked a bit worried, and his words sounded more urgent. Probably because Zucchero stood there like an idiot instead of getting ready. "Well? What are you waiting for, move!"  
"I was thinking"  
"What now? Listen, if you fail this, we´ll both look bad. I told them you´ll be an asset, and you have to prove it."  
"Yeah, yeah, I know... But... What if I whack the other guys?"  
"WHAT" Sale was convinced Zucchero decided to test his patience today. The man HAD to be joking.  
"Would I win by default or would the superior get angry at me? If it´s the first then-"  
"ARE YOU CRAZY, DON´T KILL ANYONE YET YOU IDIOT. THEY´LL KILL YOU AND ME IF YOU DO, JACKASS!!" Sale sucker punched him, making him drop his lollipop, his breakfast was almost dropped as well.   
"Cough!... I didn´t say kill!! I -*cough*- meant beating them up!"  
"That´s not what WHACKING means, you idiot... Now get moving and do what the instructor tells you! Geez!" He rubbed his temples.  
"Wait..." cough "Aren´t you coming??"  
"...I can´t interfere. And I think it would look bad for you if I escorted you there like I´m your freaking mother, don´t you think?"  
  


Sale accompanied Zucchero down to the street.  
"Ok got everything? Remember you can get to the train station taking the bus on the corner, or the subway if it takes it forever to arrive. Just don´t be late because they won´t give you another chance."  
"I thought you weren´t my mother?" Zucchero chuckled. "I could also take one of these cars and save t-"  
"You want to police to chase you and arrest them too, farto?? Don´t you dare" He pulled his ear, hard.  
"OK OK OK OK!!! I´ll be good. Apparently this mafia thing is made of good boys only. You guys don´t even kill?"  
"That´s not OUR job. I´ll tell you about it later. Now GO!!" He turned him around and pushed him forward.  
When Zucchero was almost at the corner of the street, Sale yelled at him "Break a leg!!"  
"WHAT? You want me get there in time or not?! Crazy bitch!" _Holy shit what is his damage._  
  
Sale facepalmed and returned to his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMALL EDIT: Zucchero first said "kill" the other guys, but that was a mistake because I made the revision at like 2.30 am. He used the slang term "whacking", which, unbeknownst to him, means killing (a term used in the mafia. If you get whacked it means you were killed by the mafia.  
> He actually intended to mean that he would beat them unconscious, but of course Sale would not be ok at all with it anyway. This mistake has since been fixed.
> 
> Next chapter will have new characters! So be wary of the tags, as they´ll be updated accordingly and might spoil the plot a bit?
> 
> Not much to say on this one I guess? As mentioned at the end notes of chapter 5, Zucchero won´t do Polpo´s usual test. He will go elsewhere with another member/s of Passione. The primary reason for this is that it will allow for character´s roles or even cameos, and because it allows me to be creative and not bore you with a (stupider) repeat of Black Sabbath´s fight.
> 
> Thinking about it, I believe Sale´s lighter challenge might be worth writing, as a flashback, especially if this is how he earned his stand. I don´t believe by any means that he´s a quick thinker like Giorno, but he´s definitely crafty. So if I find a relevant spot where to add this flashback, and I feel it´s essential for the plot, I will write it in due time.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day, Zucchero showed up at the designated meeting point, with little to no setbacks to speak of on the way. However, no one else seemed to be around, other than the usual passerbies of the plaza.  
  
 _Did I arrive too early? No, the time is right... Maybe finding my instructor is part of the text already? He looked around, hoping to meet eyes with someone, that would be his first clue that he was being tested. But that didn´t work either... He just got the usual looks for his fashion choice. Wait! That is!_   
  
He summoned his stand. That should do the trick.  
  
Sure enough, in no time, another man approached him. He was a short guy with a friendly face and orange hair. "Hey." He greeted him, his own stand visible at his side. They shook hands.  
  
"Are you the instructor?" This guy had a confident air about himself.  
"No, I´m here for the test too. Name´s Formaggio. And that little one over there is Ghiaccio." He pointed behind him with his thumb. A short teenager with curly blue hair and red glasses was throwing a tantrum at a tall, thin man with dark hair and a widow´s peak.  
"Fair warning: Don´t touch him unless you want to lose your hand." He threw his arm around Zucchero´s shoulders. "The instructor´s not here yet, but I heard we´re getting some insolent brat who thinks he´s better than us because he´s elite guard already"  
"I am."

Someone called from behind them. A tall, young boy, no older than 20, dressed in a dark bodysuit with metallic details, and bright orange hair. "Also, I´m taller than you. If if bothers you so much go somewhere else, pipsqueak. Otherwise get in line"  
Formaggio´s smile didn´t fade. "Yeah I´m not buying it. Can´t see your stand anywhere. Come on, man, that´s courtesy 101."  
"Formaggio, shut the fuck up and do what he says or we´re leaving you here!" Yelled the tall man from afar. He then sent the teen towards the other stand users. There were about 13 or 14 of them when they finally gathered together, including a VERY feminine guy with tan skin and white hair+outfit, who looked like a rich bitch. Zucchero was already ogling *her* like an idiot, until Formaggio whispered something in his ear along the lines of _Dude I made the same mistake and he almost made me cut my throat with my own tongue._  
  


"OKAY! LISTEN UP!" Squalo, the instructor, shouted. The crowd looked attentive. "As you probably know, this test was designed to prove your abilities, courage, and resourcefulness. A scavenger hunt which requires you to go to the nearby islands and retrieve something listed on a random paper from this bunch." He showed his fist, which had thin straps of paper, and approached every person present so they´d pick one.   
Once everyone had their task, he continued, with a slight smirk. "You might wanna avoid falling into the water, it´s not exactly the cleanest. And rumor has it there´s been shark sightings too" he smiled.   
Finally, he added "I pray for your success, and if luck should have it, all of you will be joining the gang today."

  
  
However, that wasn´t meant to be.  
  


Out of all the participants, only 3 of them passed the test. Zucchero included.  
  
The man reached the shore, gasping for breath, and about to freeze his legs off. He barely managed to give Squalo the item before dropping to his knees.  
"Ok, you pass. Holy fuck, that little shit is a monster... Tiz, need your help here"  
Squalo figured that the casualties would be Clash´s -his vicious, shark-like stand- doing, just as always. But this time, most of them had to be accredited to the ice stand of the bratty blue haired teenager. He had no issues whatsoever freezing to death whoever approached to him or his goal. And even after leaving a path of destruction all around him, he completed the task in record time without breaking a sweat.  
  
Squalo and his partner Tiziano helped Zucchero up, and took him to a nearby bench. "Your legs still work?"  
"Yeah, I´m ok." _But this guy is more than ok. I I don´t recall seeing him participate in the test at all._ "Not as much as you, though, it looks like you didn´t even get into the water*."  
"That´s because I didn´t" Tiziano smiled. "I slept with the instructor" He winked at Zucchero.  
"Tiziano..." The ginger man blushed, and looked pretty annoyed, showing his filed teeth.  
"We´ve been dating since <3" He smiled.  
"TIZIANO CUT IT OUT" The man, defeated by his shame, covered his face with his gloved hands. Zucchero looked at them awkwardly.  
"I´m kidding." TIziano giggled. "I entered Passione fair and square. But we´ve been dating since high school"  
"...Did I just get into the gay mafia?" The pink haired man asked, with honest curiosity. Tiziano laughed out loud, while shaking his head in response to the inquiry. The shark guy had to leave elsewhere, overcome with embarrassment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Zucchero means that he didn´t even seem to have approached the water at all. As the water in the canals of Venecia and the surrounding areas are not sanitary, therefore unfit for swimming. The people who participated on this test used boats, their abilities, or a combination.   
> Minor disclaimer: Being as far from Italy as I can be, I have to rely on the internet to find out oddly specific things at times, and something the desired results might not show up, or even be in the wrong. As I understand from what I could gather, only the water passing through the canals of the main island of Venezia, and the water surrounding it, should be waste water. And even then it´s still 50-70% treated. However, I couldn´t exactly find if the water areas between the main island and the smaller ones has some level of toxicity. But for the sake of the story, let´s say it is, even if not critical.   
> If anyone here does happen to know with certainty, let me know so I can fix it.  
> About characters´ages:  
> As mentioned earlier in a previous end note, Sale would be 24, and Zucchero 26. For consistency, just assume this story is under the trope of "Not Allowed to Grow Up". Even if this story would be roughly begin 1-2 years pre-canon.  
> Now, applying the same agelessness to the rest of the cast here, the ages I HC the others having are as follows:  
> Formaggio: Somewhere 21 and 26. I´m inclined to say he´s 26 like Zucchero.  
> Sorbet: 30-32. Ghiaccio: 17-18 (Incidentally, I HC Gelato as 32-34)  
> Squalo and Tiziano: 18-20  
> And BTW, there are two HCs irrelevant to this story:  
> -Squalo and Tiziano coincided with Ghiaccio for a brief time in High School. They don´t miss him at all.  
> -Sorbet and Gelato basically raised Ghiaccio. Ice Family Forever.  
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	9. Chapter 9

"Round up, everyone." Squalo ordered, which wasn´t quite necessary as the only 3 contestants who passed the test were within five meters. "Formaggio and Ghiaccio are assigned to Napoli. Zucchero is assigned to Roma. Your respective capos will tell you the details, but rule number one is: Don´t mess with a territory that is not yours, unless you want to be killed where you stand. Any questions?" He asked, hoping the response was negative, because he was beyond done with this meaningless duty.  
  
"Wait, shouldn´t we be on the assassin team?" Formaggio looked confused.  
"An assassin? YOU??" Squalo was very tempted to laugh in his face. "Come on, I meant REAL questions! Even that crazy fuck over there would be a more competent assassin" He points at Ghiaccio, who looks ready to murder everyone, and is quickly stopped by a hand on his shoulder, from the tall man with dark hair.  
"I mean it! All of my partners are part of the assassin team!"  
"That´s none of my business. Ask your capo to talk it out with theirs. You are dismissed."  
Formaggio pouted, but followed his partners.  
  
Zucchero didn´t get to witness the ability of this guy, but he looked way too cheerful and friendly to be the assassin type. He called Sale to ask what came next.  
"You totally jinxed me. I didn´t BREAK my legs, but it came close enough. I hope you are happy."  
_"Did you ever read a book or you learned from porn mags and the back of a cereal box. How can you be so literally stupid?"_  
"Wow ok. Tone down the tsundere act."  
_"What the fuck."_  
"So... What now? I´m supposed to meet the capo, right?"  
_"Yeah, you need to come back to Roma and then I´ll make the introductions. Can you make it back by tomorrow?"_  
"I guess. Some of the other guys are from Napoli, maybe they can give me a ride."  
" _See ya then"_. Sale hung up.  
  
"Hey, you" Squalo called, looking at Zucchero. He approached him obediently. "You shouldn´t get friendly with those guys over there. They are La Squadra di Esecuzione. You say the wrong word and they´ll kill you. And that blue haired kid is especially deranged."  
"He went with us to high school for a couple years" Tiziano remembered, looking half disgusted, half amused. "A really violent kid who would throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat, and bring his comrades if one of the teachers talked back to him."  
"All of them are maniacs. That short guy acts friendly now, but give him a week or two."  
"Befriending them won´t benefit you in any way. If anything, you´ll look like an accomplice when they finally snap and start killing some of us.  
"And this is not a matter of **if** , it´s a matter of **when**."  
"Go back to Roma and do your thing. If you work hard you might even become an Elite Guard and have the honor of working directly under the boss." Tiziano smiled, with a bit of sarcasm in his voice.  
  


Zucchero listened to all of this, but he didn´t refuse when Formaggio approached him moments later, asking him if his legs were okay and he wanted a lift home.  
  
Squalo and Tiziano looked at each other after he left with the members of La Squadra.  
"Do you really think HE has any chance to become elite?"  
"No more than that whore from Roma that recommended him" Tiziano responded, somewhat amused at the thought.  
  
Zucchero was having a nice time traveling with the members of La Squadra. He learned that they were ´kind of a family´, two of them even rescued the ice kid and raised him as theirs.  
"They are really good friends. I hardly see them apart." Formaggio commented happily. Ghiaccio facepalmed, and the tall guy, Sorbet, looked like he was trying his best to not tear apart the wheel and hit him senseless with it. Luckily, Zucchero was a smart cookie, so he easily figured out that Sorbet and whoever this Gelato guy was, were in a very solid and loving relationship. "I´m definitely curious now, did I join a gay mafia by accident?"  
Formaggio laughed out loud. "Not at all, man!" He patted his back. "When you are in life or death missions 24/7, you gotta get real close to your partners to survive! You have to be sure that your buddy has your back, don´t you think?"  
"Formaggio is not wrong. But he´s also painfully oblivious and wouldn´t be able to tell that someone is hitting on him even if that person gave him a lap dance." Sorbet added.  
"That´s a load of bullshit!" Formaggio blushed and looked at Zucchero. "Don´t listen to them. Of course I can tell! Look, wanna see a photo of my daughter?" He reached for his back pocket.  
"Wait, how old are you again??" 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some side notes about things addressed on this chapter that don´t really have further relevance in the story:
> 
> Formaggio not being on the assassin´s team is partially Squalo being a dick, partially Squalo truly believing he isn´t cut for the job. Even so, he´ll get to La Squadra eventually, as we know. Perhaps I´ll write about it on my next fic, if it happens, as I was entertaining the idea of a Squadra based story as well.
> 
> Another thing about Formaggio: I think the picture made quite clear who his daughter is, and I know very well I said he´s 26 at the moment and she´d be 10-12 based on the timeline. I really see Formaggio being the kind of guy who´d skip school a lot/don´t pay attention in sex ed. and getting a kid while he´s still in high school, a thing which is a RAMPANT issue in my country, but I just recently discovered not so much in Italy. He had his mother raise her as his little sister. This, also, is not plot relevant.
> 
> Sorry for not updating yesterday, I spent the whole weekend sick and today I´m just a bit better
> 
> Happy New Year guys!!!
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	10. Chapter 10

The trip back to Roma was somewhat awkward for everyone involved, yet quite entertaining. They seemed to be actually nice, even the angery ice gremlin.  
  
They dropped Zucchero outside Sale´s apartment building, but there was no response when he rang the doorbell. Not feeling like waiting, he let himself in with the help of Soft Machine. The house was, indeed, empty. Not even the cat was there.  
Zucchero grabbed something to eat from the fridge, and decided to nose around the house to kill his boredom. He checked some drawers and shelves, not really looking for anything in particular. The thought of stealing never crossed his mind, not that anything there was valuable or in a decent condition.  
  
A few hours passed by, and by night time, Sale finally returned home, only to find the other man resting on the couch, watching some TV.  
_"...Wait here, please"_. Zucchero heard the blue haired man murmur to someone else, before approaching him. "What are you doing here?"  
"I hitched a ride with some of the guys. Was really fast, too"  
"No, I mean **HERE** , at my house."  
"We talked about this!" Zucchero looked somewhat shocked, like Sale had been very heartless at forgetting that conversation. But it was mostly a sarcastic gasp. "I don´t have anywhere else to go." He continued eating and watching TV, as if that mere exchange would end the conversation.

Sale rubbed his temples. "Shit, no. Listen, I need you to get the **fuck** out of here right now. Come back tomorrow and we´ll talk about this."  
He sounded eager, and annoyed. Like someone who´s in a hurry, being held back by an idiot who just can´t get a clue.  
"OK ok I´m leaving." He got up, and went outside, passing by some random guy at the door as he left the apartment.  
_...He´s already dating some loser. Didn´t he break up like two days ago or some shit like that... What did he say... Anyway, I want to see this..._  
  
Zucchero was quite curious. More than anything, he wanted to see if Sale was always mad and bossy to everyone, or just him. Being a spy was a piece of cake with his abilities...  
However, his idea was horrible and he would regret it for quite a long time.  
  
\-----  
  
"Are you ok?" Sale asked him, as Zucchero was being quite unresponsive on his questions about the test he performed the day before. His partner looked as if he had the most awful nightmare ever, and just nodded in response.  
_I have seen everything_. He couldn´t undo what he saw. What he heard. It changed forever his perception of the man sitting beside him. He took another sip of his cup, trembling a little. "Just... Some stomach pain. And kind of a lot of nausea."  
"Yeah sorry I should´ve warned you there are things in the fridge that might be older than the cat"  
Zucchero gulped. He was only bullshitting an excuse but now he could actually feel physically ill. "Oh well, I´ll shit it out eventually. You might wanna get the hell away when that happens though, fair warning."  
"Ok you are NOT going to do THAT in MY bathroom."  
"Everybody poops, bitch, even you. Don´t get fancy on me."  
"Yeah but I don´t have any problems pooping whatsoever because it always comes out nice and easy and WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING THIS **I HATE YOU** "  
_Of course you poop easy after those butt exercises of yours. Fuck I Want To Unsee It_. "Hey you started the conversation!"  
"And now I´m ending it! Gonna have a nap, I´m very tired actually!"  
_Of course you are_. "Ok Bye! I´ll stay here, suffering."  
"Serves you right! Bye!" Sale shut his bedroom´s door.

Sale was perfectly aware that Zucchero spied on him. And he didn´t mind. After all, he was more than used to do ´intimate things´ just about anywhere. If he had to be honest with himself, it made him feel good. He liked the extra, unplanned attention.  
This, in no way meant he was going to forgive and forget what Zucchero did. Oh no, he was going to pay.  
It didn´t escape him the fact that the other man was conflicted now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... Not really much to say on this one? I would´ve posted it earlier, but right now I have wrist issues and I´m avoiding the computer as much as possible. Also because of this the omake picture is a fanart I made several weeks ago, and rather unrelated to the chapter in question.  
> Sometime in the past, I was planning to make a sort of cinema gag series in the omakes, where the end result would always be Sale and Zucchero getting literally kicked out of the cinema, for various reasons. However, as they all would´ve shared the same final panel, it would´ve gotten boring quickly. Some other ideas included:  
> -Zucchero hitting on the Candy Bar chick and Sale saying "Ok if you get the bitch I get to pick the popcorn flavor"  
> -THE POPCORN TRICK of course, with Sale putting his hand on the bag, and Zucchero asking "What? Didný you want them salty?". Cue to Sale gripping Zucchero´s family jewels to death and have him howling like a banshee  
> -A muuuuch later version might have been Sale and Zucc getting frisky at the back row during a movie of course
> 
> And so on, you get the gist
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	11. Chapter 11

A few days passed by, and Sale was finally setting some house rules, as Zucchero would apparently live with him until he could afford his own rent. Not to mention that now they were partners in the mafia.  
  
"You´ll do grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning."  
"Cleaning??" He looked around, the house a mess like always, finally dawning on him that a pig wouldn´t look out of place in this picture "Damn bitch, you live like this??"  
"FUCK YOU. You are mixing untidy with messy."  
"Aren´t those the same?"  
"Of course not!" Sale looked aghast. "Say I leave this here, on the floor. This is a controlled act. I know exactly where I left this specific item."  
"Yet the other day you were yelling at the cat because you couldn´t find some of your clown lingerie."  
"Fuuuuuuuuck you." He blushed "I wasn´t counting on Stella making a nest with my stockings. Don´t get sidetracked, I was telling you your future chores. Unless you prefer to put your part in actual money."  
"I wasn´t sent to any mission yet!"  
"Exactly, so until you do, you´ll help around here. Now I have to pay for two people´s worth of food and whatnot. I´ll have to pay a ton more of electricity too because you watch your shitty anime all day long."  
"Weren´t you stealing cable from the neighbor?"  
"NOTTHEPOINT. Also you fall asleep with the lights on"  
"You too."  
"You use too much toilet paper and flush too many times"  
"Because I ate your low budget cardboard hexagons. And you buy a lot of those smelly parfumes and bath bombs and those weird plastic candles in the bathtub corner."  
"....Ahem" Sale averted his eyes, blushing more than he expected.  
.......... _Oh fuck no_. Realization hit the pink haired man like a wrecking ball.  
  


"I... I can cook. I actually like to cook." Zucchero quickly changed the subject.  
"Good, I´m not really fond of cooking myself. Also I´m kind of a picky eater."  
"How picky are we talking about."  
"The kind that survives of 15,000* lire a week in grocery shopping."

 

 

In the end, they made a list of chores. Zucchero would do most of the house maintenance, such as grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. Sale would be the breadwinner until Zucchero started getting orders from above, and also handle the driving.  
"You are not sitting behind the wheel until you drive like a sensible person!"  
"It´s MY car!"  
"Just because YOU stole it, it doesn´t make it yours. I´m driving. Get the fuck out of that seat."  
"Make me."  
  
Sale tried to push him out of the seat, and even kick him, to no avail. He was great at fixing stuff in place, but sucked at doing the opposite, **apparently**. _I could fix him in place and push him out but I don´t wanna show him that ability yet._  
"Wimpy."  
"HMPF." Sale stepped hard on the other man´s feet.  
"OUCH!" He instinctively grabbed his wounded foot with both hands, and Sale locked him in that position, sitting on his lap to take the wheel.  
"Nice, now don´t you try anything funny or I´m locking you to a lamppost and leave you there." He undid the locking.  
"Funny, like this?" He started tickling Sale on the sides, which were exposed due to his fashion choice.  
"AHAHAHA STOP THAT!" Sale was terribly ticklish, and equally pissed. He elbowed him in the stomach and his partner stopped. "I´m serious! You want us to crash?"  
"You didn´t even start the engine yet!"  
"I´m waiting for you to grow the fuck up and take the other seat. Now move, you are stabbing me in the ass with one of the spikes of your suit."  
"That´s not a spike" He hummed.  
"..." The blue haired man looked at him dead in the eyes. Only to be laughed at.  
"Didn´t you want me to grow the fucker up?" He chuckled.  
"For someone who claims he isn´t gay you aren´t being very heterosexual right now." He grinned back and covered his face for a moment, blushing hard. "NOW GETTHEFUCKOUTTAMYSEAT!" He ordered.  
  
Fun time was over. Zucchero had finally learned when his partner´s yelling was an actual warning.

"And take that thing off your pants. Are you twelve?"  
"Yeah, on a scale of 1 to 10." He sat on the other seat and removed the fake bulge, his wallet.  
"Ok if you got any more shitty jokes in your system let them out now, because I don´t want you being a clown when we get there. This is your first job and we´ll both be responsible if it goes to shit."  
"Finally! How long it´s been since I joined already? ....Two weeks?  
"Felt like two years. One would think you´d run out of shitty jokes or get tired of your low budget anime already. I´m pretty sure I learned japanese by now and I wasn´t even in the same room as the TV.  
"Nah, that´s nowhere near proper japanese. You are such a baka. Also a huge tsundere."  
"Talk like a normal human being or I´m going to smash your head against the windscreen."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had some comments and gags which were a pain to translate, sadly, some of the humor was lost in the translation. Dunno if I have any spanish speaking reader whatsoever, but I might (someday) do a spanish version of this story, as I feel the characters would be much more organic based on how I perceive them in my head, in my language.
> 
> Well, here´s some short, light and slice of life-ish chapter and you might know what that means in most stories. The calm before the storm. Well... I wouldn't exactly call it a storm, but soon the moment will come where Zucchero realizes being in the mafia is no joke.  
> As a matter of fact the following chapter is giving me some trouble, so I´ll do my best to complete it before next week, and I apologize in advance for any delays that might occur.
> 
>  
> 
> "The kind that survives of 15,000* lire a week in grocery shopping." According to my research, this should be about 15 euros nowadays. (Keep in mind this is around 1999-2001, this may not be accurate, also I´m not european so if anyone knows please DO tell me to fix it accordingly. But, basically, Sale is piss poor)
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for the delay. My computer stopped working for some reason, and the guy who usually fixes it was up to his neck in work, so it took FOREVER. Now it seems to be working okay, EXCEPT that my tablet is acting very weird (not covering the whole screen, suddenly stops working... I will try reinstalling the drivers and hope that does the trick. But I´m really discouraged because I draw MUCH more than I write. I have so many things to do and the tablet is just NOT cooperating. I´m feeling really bad at the moment. 
> 
> Anyway, hope to enjoy this chapter, and that this hiatus is by far the longest I´ll ever have to take.

Time passed, and Sale had to admit Zucchero might actually be cut for this kind of lifestyle. True, his missions didn´t yet go beyond the level of "collect money from the stores we protect" or "go beat up this one guy", but even so, he managed to do a good job anyway, and work even better when espionage was required.

  
Yet, even with two incomes, the situation didn´t change much.  
"So, how are those savings coming?" Sale asked his partner in a sarcastic tone, while the other man was mindlessly playing videogames and nursing an expensive drink.  
"FUCKING WATER TEMPLE--- Wha?" He noticed Sale was staring at him. "Oh, yeah, that... Well, you know..."  
"You have nothing, right? Don´t forget to pay your tribute to the capo..."  
"I know I know, that part is safe and sound in a very secret place"  
"Is it your hair?"  
"n- **NO** "  
"I´ve seen you hide things in there before."  
"Well now that YOU know I guess I´ll have to find another place" He stated somewhat angry, his pride hurt.  
"Ok, when you´re done with your bullshit I need you to go to this address and pick a package, and then deliver to whoever they tell you to. I gotta go with the mafia´s doctor to make receipts for some clients." Sale commented, disgusted. "Fuck, I hate that guy... He´s a creep."  
"What, he´s got a thing for you or something?" Zucchero mocked him  
"Hopefully not. I don´t know, he just... Rubs me the wrong way. And seems like everyone in the mafia is as wary of him as I am. I even heard he´s got a human pet."  
"Holy shit... Imagine bossing another human being with feelings around all day as if he were your dog or cat... What a monster"  
"Are you talking about me, bitch? I don´t boss you around!" Sale yelled, annoyed at the extremely unfair and unfounded comparison. "Now move your ass!!"  
"I rest my case" Zucchero smiled and got up, a bit unsteadily because he was somewhat drunk already. The couch remained somewhat sunken in the areas the pink haired man rested his large buttocks everyday for long periods of time.  
"You´re getting me a new couch with your next pay."

  
\---

  
"Hey, I forgot to ask you before, but can you get some stuff from the store on your way back? It´s gonna be cheaper over there." Sale called Zucchero, after finishing his unpleasant mission.  
_"Ehh... Sure, but I´m not sure I´m gonna make it back tonight, though."_  
"Wha? You got lost or something? Are you in trouble?"  
_"Nah, I finished this in like no time, but since I´m in the outskirts I wanted to make a small detour to meet a friend, you know."_  
"How small?"  
_"Some 200 kms? 225?"_  
"ZUCCHERO WHERE IN THE SHIT ARE YOU??!!!"  
_"Don´t worry, it´s fine!"_ He reassured Sale, trying to sound cheerful and optimist.  
**"MARIO..."** Sale was gripping the public phone with enough strenght to crack the handset.  
-he heard his pink idiot gulping- _"I´m just visiting a buddy in Napoli. Don´t worry. Nothing mafia-related. I mean.... Well, yeah, he´s part of the mafia, he´s a friend from the test I took, his name is Maggio, well more like his nickname, but still don´t worry. We won´t be doing mafia things."_ He tried to laugh it off.  
"...You´re going to get your brain blown out" Sale hung up. And let out a long sigh. _...Why do I worry so much for this fucking idiot?? He´s an adult... He´s got a stand... He knows what he´s doing!!_

  
Zucchero hung up on the other side as well, and looked at his host.  
"Looks like someone´s in trouble. Your mom didn´t let you stay at the coolest sleepover EVER?? Formaggio joked, and looked from Zucchero on his left, to Ghiaccio, the youngest member of La Squadra, at the other side of the couch. "Eh?? Got it?? Coolest??" -He nudged the boy, who in turn left the living room, and entered the nearest room, slamming the door loudly.  
"Nah he just has a 10 meters stick up his ass, all the time." Zucchero laughed it off. And then suddenly remembered that sometimes that statement was actually true, yet to a much lesser length. He almost shed a tear at that memory.  
"Then all the more reason for you to have a super fun weekend with us!" The redhead celebrated.

  
\---

  
"Why is there a hobo on the couch?" A blonde man with impeccable clothes and hair pointed at them disapprovingly after entering the HQs.  
"Maybe he brought **_homework_** " A pale man in a beige military outfit joked, coming right after the blonde. "Don´t get blood on the couch, that´s our favorite." He added, leaving to another room. Zucchero laughed, confused, unaware of the context.  
"Prosciutto! Come drink with us! I invited him to watch some ´foot!"  
"Get this hobo outta here or I´m shoving my **_FOOT_ **up your _**ASS**_. Capisci?"  
_"Ooh... Kinky"_ They overheard the other guy humming from the distance.

  
\---

  
"Well... It´s nice out and the world is ours. Wanna go to a bar or get some hookers or something?" Formaggio looked at Zucchero while they were walking down the road.  
"Huh? Oh, sure!" He never failed to go along with that kind of plans, but tonight some pesky thought lingered into his mind, and his friend noticed.  
"You worried about your friend, right?"  
"Nah... It´s ok, I left him dinner in a tupperware in the fridge."  
"Well, there you have it!" Formaggio threw his arms around Zucchero´s shoulders. "Nothing to worry about"

  
\---

  
"Aaaand this is my place. Nice, right?"  
"Not to be a dick but you didn´t strike me as the fancy furniture guy."  
"I know, right??!! And the best part is that I didn´t have to pay for this shit! I just kept the place after my _**job** _with its owner was _**over**_! Even the cat! -He pointed with his thumb at a very angry gray cat who was warily hissing at him- I call him Pipo. He doesn´t seem to like me much, though... I mean, I know it´s NOT a thing with cats because Peluso, the cat I gave to Illuso, is a real fucking chill boy. This one bitch got something against me... Dunno what"  
"...Beats me..." He looked at the time, grabbed his phone, and made a short report to Sale. "---Yeah, I´m having a good time, there was some dude who kept yelling at us for basically existing, and that reminded me of the warm and lovely home I have."  
_-italian cursing deemed too agressive for the younger audiences-_  
"Thank you, see ya tomorrow!"  
He hung up, and continued enjoying his lovely weekend, which was just about to become more memorable the following day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of these whiteboard sketches were made about a year or two ago with my friend DelirioisDead (the one who beta-tested this fic for me/helped me brainstorm and solve problems along the way). So I´m really happy I got to use them. In universe, the original purpose of the whiteboard was to make important reminders and such, but once Formaggio started drawing angry Ghiaccios, everyone was on board.
> 
> I think this is literally the first time I actually describe Sale and Zucchero doing mafia stuff. Yes, it happens. And these assholes are fucking awful at saving money so they´re basically living by the day, just barely avoiding the red numbers.
> 
> I feel your Water Temple pain, Zucchero. The 3Ds remake did make it easier, though.
> 
> This chapter had one of the hard-to-translate jokes I mentioned earlier. You see, football is obviously soccer, but for the joke to make sense, I had to use football. The original joke, in spanish, was better, as we also say "football" (but written Futbol)
> 
> I wanted to include Peluso the cat in the picture I made, but the tablet was failing too much so I had to give up on it. I do have two sketches of the cat around, and it (for Formaggio) kind of looks like Illuso due to the fur pattern. I will try to include it next time I have squadra chapters. Peluso is a (fake) male version of the word Pelusa, which is Lint/Fluff
> 
> My headcanon is that not only Formaggio is a terrible animal owner, but also he literally occupied the house of some guy he killed. That furniture is way too classy for him. I don´t even think those shoes are his either.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	13. Chapter 13

Sunday passed by rather quickly, and after a last meal with his friend Formaggio, Zucchero decided it was time to go back to his own place. Figuratively speaking.  
_"Oh wait, gotta buy that shit he wanted."_ He suddenly remembered, a few blocks before reaching their place.  
He called Sale.  
_"---also try and get me some blue hairdye on the way home"_  
"Another? Got you one like two weeks ago."  
_"Yeah... Recently I´ve been getting way more gray hairs, ever since you moved in."_  
"Must be a coincidence" Zucchero happily suggested  
_"...YEAH, SURE, MUST BE."  
_  
**"BANG!!!"**  
  
A sudden gunshot startled both partners. **"CRASH!!!"**  A bullet shattered a window right beside Zucchero.  
_"Zucchero what the fuck are you doing??"_  
"It wasn´t me, idiot!!" He started running on zig zag, looking for a place to hide and look better who was the shooter.  
_"I´m coming!!!"_ Sale hung up.  
  
Zucchero´s heart was racing. He accidentally ended up in a large open area, making it very hard to find a hiding place to fight back. The shooter was definitely after him, but being careful about keeping his distance.  
  
"What do you want from me, asshole??!" He yelled. "Come out and fight!!"  
_"What do I want from_ **YOU**???!!!" The shooter showed himself, looking furious and disgusted "I want all of you members of La Squadra to fucking die!!!" He pointed his gun towards Zucchero.  
"...Are you from Passione??!!"  
"You don´t need to know!! ...But sure, I can come closer if you want, I know your range is SHIT."  
  
Just then, a different bullet came from behind Zucchero, towards the other guy, and pierced the hand holding the gun.  
"Sale!" Zucchero was glad to see his friend. "How´d you do that?"  
"Get up, idiot. Are you going to let some normie beat you in a fight?" He gave a soft, smug smile.  
"ARGH!!" The man moaned in pain, grabbing his wound, and looked a Sale, furious. "WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING THAT SQUADRA SHIT!! I THOUGHT WE ALL WERE ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT THEM!!!"  
"...what?" Sale´s face went pale.  
And at that very moment of shock, the man grabbed the gun with his other hand and shot Zucchero on the ankle.  
  
"...ZUCCHERO!!!" Sale snapped out of his shock, and quickly got inbetween them, facing the shooter, defiant. "He´s not from La Squadra!! Neither of us is!!"  
"Oh don´t give me that shit!! I´ve trailed him all the way from Napoli, fooling around with the redhead, using their stands to mess around with people, showing off! I know that redhead quite well, after all he was the one who was sent to kill my partners!!!"  
Sale couldn´t believe it. He didn´t **WANT** to believe it. But he couldn´t allow himself to get distracted mid-battle anymore. This guy was no longer thinking clearly due to his rage, so he aimlessly shot all of his remaining bullets one after another, and Sale froze them all in mid air.  


Zucchero was amazed: _Oh my God, it´s like Matrix._  
The shooter was now uselessly pulling the trigger over and over, hoping more bullets would magically materialize and hit the mark. Sale sighed, tapped repeteadly one of the stopped bullets, and released it against the shooter, wounding his other hand, then repeated this with each leg.  
The man fell on his knees.  
"Listen, any other day I wouldn´t let this kind of bullshit pass by, but I have a partner to scold, so if you already realized you are way outmatched, then get your shit and leave. Go kill the Squadra or whatever. You aren´t gonna find them here." Sale went towards Zucchero, who was still awed over his partner´s stand ability.

However, that was a very dumb mistake.  
"Ok idiot, get up so we take you t-"  
"WATCH OUT!!"  
"UGH!!!" A knife hit Sale from behind, digging into the left side of his back. Turning around quickly, he got up, releasing the last bullets towards the man´s vitals. He was dead in a matter of seconds.  
Sale looked at his own wound. Fortunately, he quickly fixed it in place shortly after it entered his body, so he was not too worried. He then looked at Zucchero, who was about to stupidly try to remove the bullet from his own wound.  
"Don´t do that, idiot." He smacked Zucchero´s hand. "Keep it corked in until a doctor gets to see you. I´ll fix it in place, try to get up."  
  
Thanks to the benefit of being in the mafia, they were treated rather quickly in the hospital, and didn´t have to spend the money and valuables they looted from the corpse, who was unceremoniously buried on a near terrain.  
"Wouldn´t it have been easier to deflate the corpse or something?" Zucchero inquired. "Digging is hard work."  
"If he´s telling the truth about being from Passione, then we are in hot water for killing a fellow member. Adding STUPIDLY OBVIOUS EVIDENCE OF A STAND ABILITY on top of that is like writing _MARIO FUCKING ZUCCHERO KILLED THIS BITCH_ on the corpse. Do you understand where I´m going with this?" He stared at him, patiently yet eagerly hoping the inner machinations of Zucchero´s mind would pinpoint why all this weekend was a series of bad decisions one after the other.  
"...I´m sorry." He sounded sincere.  
Sale softened his gaze.  
"...We need to talk."  
  
The Sun was setting, the streets were dark, and Sale just wanted to go home and get some rest. But he knew this couldn´t wait any longer...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do some edits on this chapter in the future, but just regarding some wording and paragraphs, no new content/content replacement. I actually feel this chapter was rather weak and that the fight was poorly written. These parts are not my forte and I will try to make it better when I have the time.
> 
> Sorry this chapter took twice as long to post, only to be shorter than usual u_u things´ve been busy around here, but changes are going to be for the best. I will try to keep updates weekly, but at this point I´m afraid I cannot keep that promise. However, they will never be as spread apart as the last one which took more than 3 weeks.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	14. Chapter 14

Stealthily, Sale climbed one of the many buildings surrounding an alley, sometimes holding himself from bricks of the wall, sometimes using fixed stones as steps. Zucchero was mostly deflated, his tied arms hanging from his partner´s neck like a sweater. Soon enough they were no longer concealed by the near buildings, and the pink haired man got a splendid night view of the city as they made their ascend.  
Zucchero wanted to make a retort at how come Sale could use his stand in public like that, but to be fair, he was being rather discreet about it. Also, he looked extremely pissed at the moment.  
  


Zucchero waited for Sale to explode at him, like he always does whenever he screws up at something. But nothing happened. Either he was really thinking through what to yell at him first, or was waiting for Zucchero´s side of the story before yelling back. Either way, the silence was welcome at first, but now was getting kind of uncomfortable.  
And speaking of uncomfortable... He mindlessly looked at his gunshot, poking it from time to time. Testing his tolerance to the pain. _I really fucked up this time.  
_  
"First time?" Sale suddenly asked him. Seems at some point he noticed Zucchero was no longer paying attention to him.  
Zucchero half smiled. "Yup, I lost my gunshot virginity." Sale didn´t laugh. "Er... How about you? How´s that cut doing? Haven't seen any scar on you."  
"Well it´s not like you´ve seen me naked, as far as I know..." Sale gave him a teasing, accusatory, _I KNOW YOU SPY ON ME WHEN I FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT_ look.

  
Zucchero guiltily laughed casually and looked away, sweating. Sale continued:  
"Surface wounds don´t always leave scars. But I never got hurt like **this**. I made a beginner's mistake and didn't make sure he was dead, before checking on you."  
"..."   
"Actually... I dropped my guard twice. When he said you were from La Squadra. I..." He looked away.  
"Yeah, he said Formaggio or someone else from La Squadra killed his buddies!" Zucchero complained "I got dragged into this because I was... How´s the saying... At the wrong time and place!" He defended himself.  
 **"YOU GOT ATTACKED FOR SHOWING OFF YOUR POWERS IN PUBLIC!"** Sale suddenly snapped. **"IN ANOTHER CITY NO LESS!!! FOR HANGING OUT WITH THOSE MURDERERS! AND THEY ALMOST GOT YOU! SOME FUCKING LOSER WITH A CHEAP GUN, NO AIM AND NO POWERS!!!"** His face was red, his eyes watery. 

Zucchero was taken aback, he was scared of this side of his partner.  
"Is this a joke to you?" Sale continued, his voice breaking. "You are not a super hero in some game or movie. You don´t get a second life. You don´t heal magically if you survive a fight. Your ability might not be human, but you still are."  
"..."  
"You joined Passione out of boredom, thinking that nobody could kick your ass if you could deflate it in time, right?? Well, you´re wrong! There´s so many guys in here that could just murder you and I whenever they feel like, even if we work together. And you are hanging with the worst of them! You know what they do?? THEY KILL US! **THEY ARE THE ASSASSINS OF PASSIONE!!** They are the people who is sent to kill us when we get cocky with our abilities or ideas!!!"  
Sale took a deep breath, and looked at the horizon. "Half of the time I feel like I´m your mother, worrying about you, hoping you don´t get killed out there. Because I brought you into this mess..." He sighed.

 

"...I didn´t join because I was bored."  
The blue haired man looked at him, incredulous, as if he only just half heard him.  
  
Zucchero took a deep breath.  
"I do give a shit, about this, about you... It´s just that... Even since I went to live on my own, maybe even before that, I felt that no matter how low I fall, I can always manage to survive one way or another with my powers. When I lived on a 24hs gym, I would slip somewhere to sleep. When I lived on the beach or the park, I´d pickpocket. And then when I lived on the subway, I managed to make friends here and there, go to some chick´s place every so often... When you live so long having literally nothing to lose other than your life, you really stop giving a fuck."  
"..."  
"My life reached a point where I literally didn´t know which day or even which month was, and I didn´t think much of that either. But in some corner of my mind, it bugged me. I was chosen somehow, I got powers that no one else seemed to have. Shouldn´t I be living a different life?"  
"..."  
"I´m not particularly smart or motivated. So I figured the chance would show up on its own. And it did, when we met in prison."  
  
"...There is a saying that stand users attract each other, actually." Sale smiled a bit. Their eyes meeting.  
"What´s that? You are attracted to me?" He laughed, jokingly. "Even gays want me, wait until my mother hears this one!" He laughed.   
Sale laughed too. They both looked at the horizon again, it was a marvelous sight from up there. Even at night.

 

"I´m curious about something, if we´re being honest."  
"No, I don´t want to fuck you. Your ass is fine but y--"  
"WHAT THE HELL I WASN´T GOING TO--- My ass is fine??" Zucchero blushed.  
"Oh come on don´t tell me you don´t get that a lot"  
"...I was going to ask about your house." He looked away for a moment.  
"What about it? If it´s about the mold?"  
"Oh yeah I saw that. I am NOT touching that." Sale was about to rebut, but his partner continued. "I was going to ask... How in the fucking shit are you paying for that house? Even with my earnings, we are piss poor. Are your folks paying for this or---?"  
Sale couldn´t help himself but erupt in loud, ugly laughter. **"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? OVER MY DEAD BODY!! I DONT WANT TO SEE OR HEAR THEM AGAIN, EVER!!"**  
"Wow"  
"For more information you need to unlock level 7 of friendship."  
"Shit."  
"Ok let´s go back."  
"But you didn´t tell me how are you paying the house!! I´m curious!!"  
"That´s level 12." He responded with his nicest smile.  
  
They softly descended to the ground, using Zucchero as a sort of parachute, letting the wind carry them.  
"Remember how you got batshit insane at me for using my powers in public like this just moments ago?"  
"It´s dark enough, at best we´ll be seen as a cryptid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the delay. This time, I have to admit, was mostly because I wanted to do something special for the omake.   
> Long before I even conceived the idea of writing this fic, I had the beautiful mental picture of Sale climbing a building with Zucchero hanging from his neck, flowing with the wind like a dirty cape, and I never got around to draw it. I felt it needed some context to accompany it, as silly as it may sound.
> 
> Similarly, I had an idea for a matching drawing, of Sale slowly descending from the sky, using Zucchero as a parachute. This one is/will be much more trickier because of the angles I envisioned. So I´ll consider doing it as the omake for next chapter, or do something different if the idea is just too time consuming. I honestly don´t like delaying my chapters too much.
> 
> As mentioned on the comments of last chapter, while Random Guy is not really plot relevant beyond his debut (and demise), La Squadra will be. They are key in a large aspect of why Sale is like this. And "like this" is something that has many facets, which will be eventually shown.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


	15. Chapter 15

As time passed by, Zucchero proved to be actually competent at the job, and even more so than most of his comrades at being actually loyal and not spill information about sensitive information of Passione. He even put up quite the act when dealing with complicated people, making himself sound like he was in charge, and swearing like a sailor.  
Together with Sale, they started receiving better paid jobs, and more frequently. By now, the pink haired man would surely be able to get his own place and enjoy having things his way.  
  
But such a conversation topic never came.   
Before realizing it, they had grown accustomed to each other. Sure, they argued more often than not, but there were no hard feelings even after ending up punching each other in the face at times. If anything, Zucchero acknowledged that he even LIKED that Sale was always there to call him out when he was wrong/being stupid, and to honestly express his opinion. It made him feel like he actually cared for his wellbeing, as he probably wouldn´t do this if he didn´t mind Zucchero getting in troubles. Not that he would ever admit it outloud.  
  
Similarly, Sale found himself spending way more time at his house than he used to. At first, it was because he didn´t want Zucchero to be left unsupervised, in case he screwed up and caused a fire or whatever. But the man was actually somewhat more competent than he looked like.

Usually, Sale would be away on a job, or hitting some bar or club and looking for people to spend the night -and maybe the next morning- with. He really didn´t have any reason to come to his house other than to eat or sleep. His main reason for having a TV was because of the people he brought over, as he would rarely watch TV on his own.  
But ever since Zucchero moved in, Sale´s nights out drastically decreased. He was spending a lot of time at home, talking with his partner, or criticizing his horrible anime, or maybe even reading/drawing while doing small talk with him. At first, it was complicated. But over time, living with a person so different from you, from his tastes in music, to domestic skills, to culture, became a very interesting experience.  
  


"Oh, I found it. I knew your face reminds me of something." He showed Zucchero some ancient greek art from an encyclopedia, one of the very few books Sale owned, not counting magazines. "The straight nose following the line of the forehead, the thicker lips, the droopy, dark eyes."  
"Well, yeah, I AM greek. Well, half. Mom is from Santorini, she came here, met dad, had kids... But a few years ago, dad passed away, so mom wanted to return. I chose to stay. I wasn´t that close to my family as it´s usual for the greeks."  
"Is it because of the stand and your criminal tendencies? Or you became one because of your strained family relationship?"  
"Probably a bit of both? I don´t know. I have many siblings, so all the attention got to the little ones. Also, they had high expectations, which I failed to deliver. Plus the weird shit I claimed I was able to do. I really don´t think much about it, I mean, I would be sad if my mom died and stuff. But, well..."  
"Yeah."  
"So, what about you? How´d you end up in the mafia?"  
"Well..." He sighed "I guess you earned the level to unlock that secret."

Zucchero smiled, and gave Sale his undivided attention.  
"My parents kicked me out, and I had to do what I could to survive. sometime later I met someone from Passione, and they sent me to take the test from one of the capos, Polpo. Got hit by the arrow, and survived."  
  


Zucchero could tell Sale rushed through the explanation, as he was clearly unhappy with dwelling on the memories. But he insisted:  
"Why´d your parents kick you out?"  
"It´s kinda embarrassing... When I was on high school, There was this boy... I didn´t even know if I liked boys yet or what, and he felt the same. We started hanging out a bit every day after school and... Ended up having sex in the boys´dressing room. And someone saw us. I didn´t get expelled, but my parents kicked me out. Not really the way I wanted to remember my first time...   
I moved to a student residence until I finished high school, but rumour spread around the school so they were kinda wary of me, as if I was some kind of sexual predator... So, as soon as I finished, I started doing stuff on my own. By the way, the boy from school... He freaked out, blamed me for it, and avoided me forever after that."  
"...Ok you win for tragic backstory."  
"It´s not a competition, shithead."  
"I know, I know." Zucchero paused for a second, as if he was remembering. Then he smiled "Come to think of it, I should´ve left with a bang, instead of being a mild slacker."  
"With a bang?"  
"Yeah! I mean: I didn´t get any chick pregnant, I didn´t kill anybody. I didn´t do drugs. Overall I was a pretty decent human being by the time I finished high school! Don´t you think?"  
"You finished high school??"

Zucchero grabbed Sale and tickled him hard on the sides, and noogie´d him for good measure. Sale didn´t punch him in the face this time, he was too busy laughing at the tickles and his own, shitty joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, at this point we all can accept the fact that updates have become irregular. Life´s been busy but I will complete this fic, that fact is not going to change.
> 
> As an apology + A helpful visual cue, I finally sat down and made the floor plan of Sale´s house.
> 
> Keep in mind it looks bigger and CLEANER than it actually is.  
> The place is based on my aunt´s home (at least from my memory of 15 years or so ago), and the atmosphere is basically: Dark, stuffy, cramped, and the floor is not visible at any given moment. Carpets and clothing and overall mess cover every cm of the living room and bedroom.  
> The colors of the walls, floors and furniture are up to you, I gave very vague colors just to separate some objects from their entourage.  
> Zucchero doesn´t have a proper place to put his stuff, Sale gave him a shoe box, where he keeps all his belongings (deflated)  
> They share the bookshelf, but it´s mostly fashion and porn magazines. The only books are probably a dictionary and an encyclopedia.  
> The living room table is portraited as wooden but I just recalled it was actually made of glass. I´m not going to fix it.  
> All the doors except the entrance and laundry ones are sliding. So is Sale´s wardrobe, which reaches all the way to the ceiling.  
> I´ll be more than happy to elaborate any further if there´s any other inquiries about the place :3
> 
> About the chapter, nothing much to say. Short and uneventful, focused on a bit of backstory. IIRC, I did mention in a previous end note that Zucchero is the third of seven siblings. That´s a lot of competition for attention when you still need your parents.
> 
> Disclaimer from the first chapter is still the same.


End file.
